Craig took his own life at 54. His devastated family never saw the warning signs

EXCEPTIONAL

“I miss you and love you xxxxxxx.”

This is the last text Craig sent to his family before ending his life three months ago at the age of 54.

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“We’re all in disbelief,” says daughter Taylor, 31 7 Life.

“We were completely blindsided when we heard the news. I can’t say enough that this happened to a guy you really would never think was struggling.

“How did my father, who was outwardly happy, successful, loved and had more friends than most, get to this point without any of us having a clue? On the outside, this was a man who had everything in his life that anyone could dream of.

“young and healthy” FIFO employee was happily married with two daughters and three grandchildren, financially comfortable, and enjoyed coming home from work to ride and drive his most prized possessions – including Harley Davidson and 1957 Chevrolet motorcycles.

But things took an agonizing turn in early March when the “calm, calm, true blue” Australian dad died by suicide – leaving his family to suffer unimaginably painful grief.

The field worker had split his time between Australia and overseas, where he worked in the oil and gas industry.

“He would be home for a month and gone for a month,” Taylor says.

In the weeks leading up to his return to work, the dedicated family man spent quality time with his loved ones in Australia.

“He bought a suit for my sister’s wedding, which was three weeks after he took his own life…and discussed with me what date I should hold my son’s birthday party to make sure he he’ll be home,” Taylor says.

“We had a lot to look forward to.”

Just a week before he flew back overseas, Taylor says her father was “as happy as ever” as he played with his grandson on the trampoline.

Craig had mentioned to his family that he was feeling stressed at work – but there was nothing alarming about the conversation because he had been in the industry for more than two decades.

“We knew he was stressed, he would talk to us about being stressed, but it wasn’t unusual,” Taylor says.

“Having performed high-pressure work for more than 20 years, he has always performed well in the past.

“My mom even asked my dad, ‘Are you okay?'” just a few days before he took his own life, and he said, “Yes, honey, I’m fine.”

Taylor said her mother dropped Craig off at the airport, as she always does when he returns to work.

“They had their usual hug and kiss, said ‘I love you, see you soon’ … and nothing seemed out of the ordinary,” says Taylor.

A heartbreaking final text

When Craig sent his last text message to the family’s group chat, no one suspected anything unusual.

“We’re a very loving family and always say ‘I love you’ to each other, so we didn’t think anything of it,” Taylor explains.

“Since Dad was working overseas, his ‘I love you and miss you’ text message was not out of character.”

Taylor says she responded to her father’s message immediately, letting him know she would FaceTime him later that afternoon so he could talk to her grandson, followed by a video of her son playing and laughing.

“We know he was looking at my messages but he never responded and he took his own life very soon after,” she says.

“In hindsight, I wish I’d called him right away or told him I love him too, but I thought we could talk this afternoon.”

Five days into his month-long overseas assignment, his family received the devastating news that Craig had died unexpectedly, but no cause of death was given for the first 24 hours.

“All his family and friends were convinced he had died of natural causes like a heart attack or stroke because we would never have expected the alternative,” says Taylor.

“When we got confirmation we were all in disbelief. It’s still hard to wrap my head around… dad has never mentioned to any family, friends or co-workers that he struggles with depression.

“He showed no signs or symptoms of mental health problems and never spoke to his GP about it. Honestly, we think he didn’t even know he was struggling with his mental health until it was too late.

“Our Hearts Are Breaking”

Taylor says her family is struggling with her father’s suicide – as they try to “get through the day, carrying so much grief with no way to end it”.

“We have so many questions that we will never find answers to,” she explains.

“Specifically, my sister and I are not only grieving the loss of our father, but we are also grieving our children who have lost their beloved and adored poppy.

“My mother lost the love of her life and now has to accept that her future looks very different from what they had planned together.

“The fact that he was here one minute, gone the next, and with absolutely no warning signs, seems almost impossible to accept.

“We’ll never know how we got here. Our hearts were breaking that it hurt him so much that this is what he wanted to do.

With a toddler son to care for and a successful business to run, the young mother has managed to find the strength to “get up every day and go on living like it’s normal”.

“It helped because if it wasn’t for my responsibilities, I can’t imagine I would have even gotten out of bed in those early weeks,” she says.

“As a family we just lean on each other and always talk about how we feel. We all find that sharing our story and talking to others helps us manage our grief because it makes us feel less alone in what we’re going through.

“My mom lives in an amazing community that has rallied around her and she is channeling her grief into spreading awareness and doing great things for their small town by organizing a Blue Tree Project installation for their small town.”

Blue Tree Project, a suicide prevention and awareness organization, was founded with a mission to help spark difficult conversations and encourage people to speak up when experiencing mental health issues.

Reflecting on her life with her father, Taylor says he was an “amazing man” who “lived life to the fullest”.

“He was loyal to a fault, funny, respectful, had the best sense of humor and loved by everyone who met him. He had the biggest, brightest smile and lit up the room. Just one in a million men. He works hard to provide a beautiful life for his family,” says Taylor.

“But it just goes to show that depression and suicide don’t make a difference.” It doesn’t matter if you are loved, successful, financially comfortable and have everything you ever dreamed of.

“If you’re struggling mentally, none of those things seem to matter.”

Taylor says more needs to be done beyond RUOK? — a suicide prevention charity that encourages people to check their family, friends and colleagues regularly.

“Are you okay? is a closed-ended question. The premise behind it is wonderful, but it just doesn’t get people talking because if they don’t want to talk, they can just say ‘Yes’ and that’s the end of the conversation,” she says .

“How about asking someone ‘What do you think?’ It will be more thought-provoking and hopefully encourage people to really open up a bit more.”

If she could go back in time, Taylor says she would prioritize talking about mental health at the family dinner table.

“I would just talk to dad about the importance of taking care of his mental health,” she says.

“From what we know now, he was good at keeping things to himself.”

Taylor believes her father’s death could have been avoided if there had been more education to recognize the symptoms between stress and depression because they are “two very different things.”

She hopes to break down the stigma surrounding mental health for everyone, especially men.

“Talking about mental health shouldn’t be taboo. Today’s middle-aged men grew up in an era where no one talked about their struggles. Men were raised to be tough and not cry, and if they cried, they were weak. It couldn’t be further from the truth,” says Taylor.

“In 2024, we need to encourage people to speak up, whether it’s family, friends, medical professionals or charities and helplines that provide 24/7 free and confidential advice. There is no shame.

“The loss of my father is a heavier burden to bear than the blessing it would have been if he had allowed me the opportunity to help him.

“If this alone makes one man realize that he is not burdening his family by sharing with them that he is struggling, then the loss of my father will ensure that another family will not know this heartache.”

If you need help in a crisis, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

For further information about depression contact Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636 or speak to your GP, local health professional or someone you trust.